TAKE IT TO THE BRIDGE: DIDIER “TUPAC” DROGBA BACK AT CHELSEA

It’s a little known fact that Didier Drogba was once nicknamed Tupac due to his love of bandanas and bling.

At Marseille, Drogba would live up to his hip-hop handle by rapping the French national anthem while Fabien Barthez beatboxed around the dressing room forcing uncomfortable teammates to kiss his bald head.

Years later, in a wretched attempt to revive his gangsta rap moniker with his Chelsea cohorts, Drogba would attend showbiz parties with his Premier League Golden Boot award hanging ostentatiously around his neck.

Poor Didier.

In one final effort to live up to his nom de guerre, Didier’s last game for Chelsea saw him go out all guns blazing, as he scored the winning penalty in the 2012 UEFA Champions League Final against Bayern Munich.

Since then, the Ivory Coast striker has had profitable spells in China and Turkey – he reportedly earned a sign-on fee of €4 million plus a basic wage of €4 million per season at Galatasaray – but has recently rejoined Chelsea on a one-year contract.

THE CHANCE TO REIGNITE A SPECIAL BOND

Enter JoséMourinho.

Persuaded by “The Special One” to forego offers from three Major League Soccer clubs in North America, it seems Drogba simply couldn’t resist the pull of the English Premier League and the chance to bring silverware back to Stamford Bridge.

But aside from scoring goals and having Mourinho whisper sweet nothings in his ear, what else might Didier Drogba get up to if, as Mourinho has hinted, he’s merely used as a squad player this season …?

  1. Take Torres to Hampton Court Maze and do a runner.
  2. Steal Petr Čech’s headgear and pretend he’s a contestant on Gladiators.
  3. Convince Willian to start a Black Eyed Peas tribute group called White Nosed Beans.
  4. Fly Oscar to The Oscars and present him to the Best Actor winner.
  5. Persuade John Terry to become a monk and live a life of abstinence.

While some, none or all of the above may or may not pan out, it’s clear that old José trusts “Tupac” to fire his team to glory this year, claiming that Drogba is “coming with the mentality to make more history”.

It remains to be seen whether The Special One’s decision to bring the 36-year old back to the Bridge will be vindicated – but we’re chomping at the bit for the season to begin so we can find out …